Don’t wait for tomorrow to be less busy.
Fulfilling Performance, fatherhood, and finding time before it’s too late.
Image credit: Andy’s selfie
Hello fellow Enablers,
Last week I ran a Discover Fulfilling Performance workshop in London.
It was special for several reasons.
What leaders are saying
First due to some of the feedback from senior leaders present about the Fulfilling Performance framework:
…a great tool that all businesses should use. I already suggested to [CEO] having you present this at our Business Review Meeting. I will definitely be applying it. [General Manager, Corporate Strategy and Planning]
Great session and very insightful. The 4 Qs you have identified are simple but powerful. Organisations have an ability to over-complicate things with processes etc; what you have is a little toolkit any manager could be using at any time and in both individual as well as team settings. [Global SVP Human Resources]
…very well done and a great body of work condensed into a very thoughtful and purposeful tool kit. I look forward to experimenting with it. [Regional CEO]
Bringing more of you to what you do
I always get a buzz from introducing people to Fulfilling Performance in person and in this workshop format. They give me 90 minutes of their time and I give them a compelling vision, a simple framework and a toolkit to enable Fulfilling Performance for themselves and those they lead and care about.
A personal element
This session was extra special because my son, Tom, was able to join. He’s just returned from 18 months in Whistler, Canada and is about to embark on the next stage of his own career journey.
I suspect I created Fulfilling Performance based on what younger me would have found helpful. It’s the perspective and toolkit I wish I’d had for my first management role and my first CEO role and I’m glad that he will go into his leadership journey with it in his back pocket.
Work family and what really matters
I didn’t get a picture of the latest participants in the Fulfilling Performance workshop and so I’m sharing one from Father’s Day when both my children overlapped in the UK.
Fulfilling Performance considers the whole person. I’m as comfortable showing up as a father and husband as I am in my professional roles.
Over the years I’ve used stories from my family background to make points about growing myself and growing other people. Julia, Hannah and Tom are very much a part of all aspects of my journey.
I count myself lucky to have navigated an almost 35 year career and kept my family intact. When my daughter was born, someone who was speaking from experience, said to me, “Pay attention, they grow up fast”.
What he didn’t say was that you don’t get to choose when your time is up. Well not up exactly, but when your opportunities start to diminish. You ask if they want to hang out and do what was always their favourite thing and they say, “No thanks, Dad, I’m going out with my friends today.”
Leaders under pressure
I work with leaders now who are struggling to find time for their families amidst all the very real pressures of work.
A friend who retired four years ago said to me this week:
It’s funny. When you’re working, it seems such a big part of your life. But once you stop, it’s not long before you realise that it really isn’t.
I can empathise with leaders who find themselves feeling trapped. They want to be the best partners, parents and people but the demands of their jobs are unrelenting.
I seldom recommend drastic measures like leaving their jobs and escaping to a cheaper lifestyle where they can spend more time with their families.
However, I will ask them to consider some possibilities.
From experience I know that some of my own work ethic derives from anxiety about the perceived potential risk of losing everything overnight. I’ve written and spoken about this before.
As someone who experiences that kind of anxiety I am aware how it can affect me. Sometimes I work long hours because I need to get things done and other times I do it simply because it calms me down.
I’m also painfully aware that those extra hours I put in may not increase my financial security or likelihood of success. Even though I can grasp that concept rationally, it doesn’t change my behaviour because, emotionally, working like that helps me to cope.
What’s really going on?
I ask them to consider whether all their work is absolutely necessary and a positive contribution. Could it be evidence of a deeper psychological issue or an opportunity for them to develop their leadership skills. Could it be indicative of unseen friction in the system in which they are operating? The Fulfilling Performance framework helps to identify such handbrakes.
Often they will say that once a certain project, restructure, hiring or other transformation is completed they can see themselves having more time for these other aspects of their lives. This relies on the myth that tomorrow will somehow be less busy than today.
I invite them to consider that tomorrow will be no less busy than today and any unresolved trauma will still exert its grip on them. It might be an idea to start in some small way to make the changes today. And to talk to a professional if they think there may be topics that warrant a conversation with someone qualified to help.
Start today, not tomorrow
The most effective way I have found to avoid succumbing to this myth of a quieter tomorrow is to stick the new activity in the diary even when you don’t think you have time. It will be uncomfortable. You may have to push back even on your own paradigms about what your priorities are. I don’t have a boss but I still wrestle with the idea of leaving my desk to go for a walk in the daytime. Eventually, through repetition, the psychological discomfort will wane and as you start to see the benefits from your new behaviour you will find it easier to maintain until it becomes habitual.
Don’t wait to have time to do the new thing. Force it into the diary and allow it to push other stuff to one side. That’s how you create balance for yourself and time for your loved ones. And if your organisation really can’t cope with you having that kind of existence maybe it will bring the issue to a head and one day you’ll look back with your family still around you and smile about what an excellent pivot that turned out to be.
The Fulfilling Performance Hub
I’m planning a virtual session to connect leaders who are interested in enabling Fulfilling Performance for themselves and those they lead and care about.
If that sounds interesting and you’d like to be notified when I schedule it, just let me know and I’ll add you to the list.
CAREER-VIEW MIRROR #226
Side Mirror: Encouraging the Leader-Coach
Stepping into the role of coach before you feel like an expert might be the most powerful move you can make as a leader.
I explain why in this week's Side Mirror episode.
🎧 Listen now: Apple Podcasts / Online / Spotify
If you’re a manager who likes to coach your team members, I’d love to hear from you. Let’s talk about how Fulfilling Performance could help you and your team.
Check out the directory of all our guests and episodes on Instagram.
“Go to people” need people to go to!
The Aquilae Academy: Guided peer mentoring and coaching for executives, senior leaders and business owners.
Running a business or holding a senior position in an organisation can be very rewarding. At the same time it can be challenging and even lonely.
There are certain topics we are either unable or uncomfortable to discuss with colleagues no matter how self aware and open we are.Sometimes it is just not appropriate to discuss an issue with a colleague. Maybe they are the issue!
Our partners and friends may want to listen and help but they may not have relevant experience or be completely independent.
The Aquilae Academy is for senior leaders and business owners who:
acknowledge that they can’t and don’t have to do it alone
value interdependence and
are looking to continue learning and growing with the support of a team of like minded peers
If this sounds like you, contact me and I’ll happily tell you more.
Thank you,
Andy
E: andy@aquilae.co.uk
A wonderful read on the tension between career/work and family, and how you cherish your whānau Andy